Now Playing Review - Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant

Although Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant starts out strong introducing the feel of the world with it’s medley of circus freaks and animated opening credits, it doesn’t take long to realize that these credits are the most exciting part of this bland film.

The Vampire’s Assistant combines the stories of the first three books of the series, The Saga of Darren Shan, by Darren Shan. The main character, Darren Shan (wow, I can see how this can get confusing…), lives in a boring town, leading a boring life that bleeds pastels and parental expectations. Feeling a bit rebellious, with a little nudge from his best friend, Steve, Darren decides to sneak out to see the Cirque du Freaks, where he meets Larten Crepsley, a vampire. Plot points ensue, and eventually Darren becomes a half vampire. He also learns of a potential destiny he has to affect the impending war between the vampire (peaceful feeders) and the vampaneze (those that kill to feed).

Though the circus is only part of the story, it fulfills the majority of the best parts of this film. Ken Watanabe does a great job of playing the ringleader of the freaks, which includes Salma Hayek as the bearded lady/fortune teller, Orlando Jones as the man with an eight in waist, Patrick Fugit as the Snake Boy, Kristen Schaal with the ridiculously strong teeth, and Jane Krakowski as a woman who can grow back body parts. But unfortunately their roles only appear every so often, and the rest of the film is spent following Darren Shan (Christ Massoglia), who conveys less emotion in his acting than the little, robed CGI creature with the obsession of biting hands. And Steve (Josh Hutcherson), acting as Darren’s counterpart with fewer moral holdups, is so poorly cast that it is almost painful to watch. Basically, the only thing holding the entire film together is John C. Reilly’s deadpan portrayal of Larten Crepsley, Darren’s mentor and sire, who walks the line of being both humorous and oddly BA all at the same time.

It’s doubtful that this adaptation is strong enough to lead to the sequels necessary to tell the complete saga of Darren Shan, and unless they were planning on making some serious adjustments, then this is probably a good thing.

Final Grade: C-