Rental Review - P2

In the spirit of the holiday I decided that I would treat myself to a little horror film. The problem is I am not always the best judge in selecting something because my love of the genre tends to block out the part of my brain that warns me as to how stupid the movie I am about to sit through is probably going to be. That’s how I got stuck watching Skinwalkers last year, and that’s why I ended up watching P2 tonight.

Angela (Rachel Nichols) devotes most of her time to her job, spending the majority of her time at the office. Unfortunately for her, the wrong person has taken notice of this, deciding that he will be the one to bring a little fun to her life. However, this security guard, Thomas (Wes Bentley), doesn’t choose to go about making her acquaintance in an acceptable way, but instead, decides to kidnap her on Christmas Eve, locking her in the parking garage with him.

The eeriness already attached to parking garages sets up the scene for this film, but fails to hold up for its entirety, which results in a slew of samplings from different characteristics of films from this genre in order to replace this loss. There is a lot of running, a lot of crying, a dipping dress that jumps back and forth between a wet t-shirt contest and Carrie’s night at the prom (please tell me she didn’t actually pick this out to wear over to her family gathering), and a few moments of extreme gore that fail to match up with the rest of the film. But worst of all, the opening scene of the film (which is by far the scariest thanks to the eerie sound of the Christmas songs playing throughout the garage) is a big give away to where the plot will find itself at some point later on, indicating that all of Angela’s attempts to escape prior to this moment are completely futile, which led me to lose my hope for her. Sure, any sane person would know that there is no way she will escape before the credits begin to roll, if at all, but still, something seemed ruined by this moment, and her actions no longer matter until the film gets back to this first scene.

Other than the initial fear the parking garage exudes, as well as some moments in Bentley’s performance of a psychopath, P2 ends up being just another weak “horror” film with nothing to contribute to the genre.

Final Grade: D

Suggestion Box (Oct. 19-25)

The Wolfman Trailer – A new trailer has been released with some more footage. Check it out here.

Valentine’s Day Trailer – Oh love. Or lack there of... Check it out here.

Brick – I forgot to mention this a while ago, but you guys should check out Brick if you haven’t. It’s a modern film noir-esque movie made by the same director/writer of The Brothers Bloom.

Gaming Review - Uncharted 2: Among Thieves

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves, is by far one of the best videogames I have ever played, expanding on its predecessor, something I didn’t think was possible.

Uncharted 2 opens with our favorite treasure hunter, Nathan Drake, bleeding from the gut while taking an unintentional nap in a train car threatening to fall off the edge of the cliff that it is desperately clinging to. After taking control, you work your way up and off the hanging car and through the wreckage above, slowly learning the controls along the way. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Before you will understand what Drake is doing out in the snow without a coat, you have to play through the events leading up to this point, all starting with Nate being hooked into a simple act of thievery, which quickly evolves into an end-of-the-world-if-the-bad-guy-wins type deal.

The story is just one aspect that helps to create the perfect integration between film and videogames. The cutscenes are beautifully animated (except for the incredibly sparkly eyeballs), as well as really well written, keeping the hilarious dialogue of the first game. However, the best part about this is that the game does not simply jump between gameplay and cutscenes, saving all the cinematic elements for the latter, but actually integrates them into the game, moving fluidly between them. One example of this is the train car climbing mentioned above. As you manipulate Nate up the train, boulders fall from the cliff above, parts of the car plummet to the depths below, Nate falls through windows, etc, and though these moments involve no player reaction to keep Nate from falling with them, it does not make the moments any less suspenseful. However, the best example of the cinematic feel to this game is the manipulation of the camera placement. The player is able to move the camera around as much as they want, but there are some moments when it is moved for them, such as when Nate is climbing up a mountainside or giant knife (you will understand later), manipulating the camera in such a way to take advantage of the surrounding environment, creating many “Ooo, pretty” moments.

It’s really easy to get lost in the details of the environments, whether you are exploring the mechanisms of a temple in the mountains of Tibet or walking through the streets of Nepal (no seriously, when you get to the top of the hotel, take a moment to look around the city below), but what is really great is what you are able to do within these worlds. The basic gameplay never gets boring or repetitive because there is a lot more freedom to how you go about moving through the environments (especially depending on if you prefer to be stealthy or like a less subtle approach), and even the simpler interactions between the player and the characters accompanying Nate on his quest, such as throwing Chloe up to an unreachable ladder, are great, as well as oddly comforting to have them there with you. And trust me, pulling people over ledges never gets old. However, for those of you who scoff at the simple joys, this game is definitely not lacking in the tension filled moments as well. When Nate is not climbing trains, he is fleeing from cars, tanks, and helicopters, or tagging along as a hotel crumbles to the ground under his feet.

And last, but by no means least, are the puzzles. Though they aren’t too challenging, especially with the help of Nate’s journal, this is by no means a flaw in the game design because clearly Nate is no idiot, and therefore the player should not feel as such when fulfilling his role in the game. Instead, you actually feel even more like a competent adventurer.

The only thing I can really complain about, other than my apparent affinity for being killed by shotguns, is how difficult some enemy soldiers, though riddled with bullets, are to kill; but I am going to play along because the animators took the time to dress them in what I am assuming is amazing body armor. In other words, nothing is going to keep me from describing Uncharted 2: Among Thieves as anything less than the perfect game.

Final Grade: 10

Now Playing Review - Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant

Although Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant starts out strong introducing the feel of the world with it’s medley of circus freaks and animated opening credits, it doesn’t take long to realize that these credits are the most exciting part of this bland film.

The Vampire’s Assistant combines the stories of the first three books of the series, The Saga of Darren Shan, by Darren Shan. The main character, Darren Shan (wow, I can see how this can get confusing…), lives in a boring town, leading a boring life that bleeds pastels and parental expectations. Feeling a bit rebellious, with a little nudge from his best friend, Steve, Darren decides to sneak out to see the Cirque du Freaks, where he meets Larten Crepsley, a vampire. Plot points ensue, and eventually Darren becomes a half vampire. He also learns of a potential destiny he has to affect the impending war between the vampire (peaceful feeders) and the vampaneze (those that kill to feed).

Though the circus is only part of the story, it fulfills the majority of the best parts of this film. Ken Watanabe does a great job of playing the ringleader of the freaks, which includes Salma Hayek as the bearded lady/fortune teller, Orlando Jones as the man with an eight in waist, Patrick Fugit as the Snake Boy, Kristen Schaal with the ridiculously strong teeth, and Jane Krakowski as a woman who can grow back body parts. But unfortunately their roles only appear every so often, and the rest of the film is spent following Darren Shan (Christ Massoglia), who conveys less emotion in his acting than the little, robed CGI creature with the obsession of biting hands. And Steve (Josh Hutcherson), acting as Darren’s counterpart with fewer moral holdups, is so poorly cast that it is almost painful to watch. Basically, the only thing holding the entire film together is John C. Reilly’s deadpan portrayal of Larten Crepsley, Darren’s mentor and sire, who walks the line of being both humorous and oddly BA all at the same time.

It’s doubtful that this adaptation is strong enough to lead to the sequels necessary to tell the complete saga of Darren Shan, and unless they were planning on making some serious adjustments, then this is probably a good thing.

Final Grade: C-

Suggestion Box (Oct. 12-18)

Toy Story 3 Trailer – Andy is all grown up and moving on to college, leaving the toys behind. Oh yeah, and Buzz Lightyear’s bilingual! Check it out here.

The Book of Eli Trailer – Another bleak look at the apocalypse, but there is a lot still not explained in this trailer, so I am more than intrigued. Check it out here.

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus Trailer – When a deal with the devil is more than a fiddle duel, it apparently looks a little something like this. If that’s not intriguing enough, then know this is Heath Ledger’s last film. Check it out here.

Assassin’s Creed 2: Developer Diary #4 – This time they talk about weapons and the types of guards you will come up against in this game (including the improved AI). Check it out here.

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves Launch Trailer – Here’s just a brief look at some of the incredible moments of the game, which I can now say is a must play from my own experience. Check it out here.

Rental Review - Star Wars: The Clone Wars

It’s not exactly going out on a limb by saying that the Star Wars franchise has been caught in a downslide following the first three films (AKA Episodes 4-6), but The Clone Wars may have found a way to sink even further yet.

The Clone Wars can be summed up as follows: Anakin Skywalker, his Padawan Ahsoka Tano, and Obi-Wan Kenobi go on a rescue mission from within the raging battles between the Jedi Knights and the Republic vs. the Separatist forces. Both sides fight to succeed in saving Jabba the Hutt’s kidnapped son in order to gain access to the parts of the galaxy that Jabba has power over.

If this story seems simple enough, it is because there is little depth to it. Instead, repeating the errors of the prior films, The Clone Wars does little more than to try to awe the audience with the fight scenes in hopes that no one will realize how empty the story actually is. However, the flaw with this formula is that the audience’s attention is directed to something that is very weak in it’s own right, the animation. Though the style is interesting to look at for a while and creates some great locales, the characters look horrible. Clearly most of the time was spent animating the combat and lightsaber duels because every other aspect of the characters is poorly executed. Sure, it’s understandable that lip movement does not always match up with the audio in animation, but it came to the point where it seemed like a poorly dubbed foreign film. But worse still is the body animation, which is no better because there is no weight to their movement. For example, Obi-Wan Kenobi appears to be gliding when he should have at least a slight bounce to his step. And to make matters worse, this awkwardness is made further obvious by how stiff their robotic movements are.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars makes no attempt to hide the fact that it is simply milking a tired franchise. There aren’t even the scrolling words to start the film that the Star Wars movies are known for, for crying out loud! Because of this, I really fear for the series that this film was supposed to launch.

Final Grade: D

PS – Does anyone else think that Mace Windu looks like ET?

Rental Review - Management

If Management depicts what constitutes a love story in the real world, then romance should be avoided at all costs.

Steve Zahn plays Mike, a motel manager who falls in love with (AKA becomes obsessed with) Jennifer Aniston’s art saleswoman, Sue, while she is passing through on business. Stupidly, in a bout of loneliness she gives in to his creepy attempts to woo her by sleeping with him before flying back home, not realizing how idiotic this act is and how she will have to pay for it later.

As a romantic comedy, Management fails horribly. For starters, it opens up with Mike giving Sue “complimentary” wine (which he says they do for all of the guests). If this moment had ended with passing the bottle through the door, then there would be no problem; however, Sue allows him into her room, and even though I knew better, I couldn’t help but expect him to pull a knife out from behind his back. Hasn’t she seen Vacancy? Or better yet, Psycho? Never trust the staff of a motel. But if you haven’t become weary of everything you have seen in horror films, at least have enough sense not to allow a stranger into your motel room.

Unfortunately the story is riddled with these moments of idiocy, and is overall poorly written and poorly conceived. Mike never moves out of the realm of stalking, often creating an uncomfortable environment for the characters and viewers, and Sue is no better with her lack of self worth. Furthermore, not only are the characters horribly written, but there are even moments when the acting quality starts to decline. And finally, though the story loses its steam by mid-film, it continues to drag on without purpose.

Management is a horrible attempt at a romantic comedy that finds itself falling short of all standards, even those of the Lifetime channel.

Final Grade: D

Suggestion Box (Oct. 5 - 11)

A Nightmare on Elm Street Trailer – The closest thing I have seen to a film from this series is Freddy vs. Jason, and I am not going to hold that against this movie. And as much as some remakes (or “reimaginings”) can blow, nothing will take my excitement away. Check it out here.

Legend of Neil: Season 2 Episode 6 now available. Check it out here.

The Guild: Season 3 Episode 5 and 6 are up. Apparently I missed episode 5’s release. My bad. Check them out here.

Fall TV Schedule update – Cougar Town is no longer on my list of viewing pleasures because it did not live up to my expectations. They try too hard for the comedy to hit as it should, which it doesn’t, and Courtney Cox's reading of lines seems to be pulling from her character Monica from Friends a little too much.

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves is being released this week for the PS3 and is already getting great reviews. Though it will be a week or two before I can post a review of it, I am still saying now that you should get it. And if you haven’t played Uncharted: Drake’s Fourtune yet and you own a PS3, than shame on you.

Paramore’s CD: Brand New Eyes – I usually won’t say much about music on here, but Paramore is one of my favorite bands, and I finally got around to buying the CD they released at the end of September. Basically, it is AMAZING. So check it out.

Suggestion Box (Sept. 28 - Oct. 4)

Up in the Air Trailer – George Clooney traveling a lot. Sounds like an amazing premise, right? But it still looks great. Check it out here.

The Crazies Trailer – Zombie-like rage filled victims, government quarantines suppressing both the infected and the healthy, and an amazing song. Check it out here. And if you want to know, the song it’s “Mad World” by Michael Andrews & Gary Jules.

V – this season a new show is starting up about aliens moving into earth’s atmosphere, with the appearance of living in peace. But as these thing go, there is probably a lot going on under the surface. Check out some videos about it here.

And if you want to know what I am watching this fall, here you go:

Mondays: House, Heroes, The Big Band Theory, Castle

Tuesdays: So You Think You Can Dance, V (Premiering Nov. 3, 2009)

Wednesdays: Cougar Town, Modern Family, Glee, So You Think You Can Dance

Thursdays: Bones, Parks and Recreations, The Office, Fringe, Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice, 30 Rock, Community, The Vampire Diaries

Fridays: Dollhouse, Smallville, Sanctuary

Saturday: Saturday Night Live